it's not that i don't have anything to say...

it's just that i don't know where to begin............

found

Buy this book.

Yeah, This one.
Technically still a preorder, BUT if you read his blog....you know Danny did good. I do.

the cat came back.....

Remember this? Guess who came home? Yup.

sometimes a big heart is not a good thing...

http://www.petplace.com/dogs/a-matter-of-the-heart-congestive-heart-failure/page1.aspx
Eem-er came my way to get me through the grief of losing Maggie. Athough Michael thought getting another beagle would lead to me be comparing the absolute dog-love of my life to another, that just didn't happen. These two could not/have not been further apart in life, love, or doggie experience. Every living thing is individual.
Maggie held my humanness in her heart. Not that she took it with her when she left me, but that she guarded it when i was unable to do so. and she guided me to this little war-torn mutt....
i believe that. i do. Maggie guarded me. I guard Eem-er. we have reasons. we have love.
we've gotten some news yesterday....
if you follow the link above, you'll figure it out, eh?
despite all the fricken' bullshit going on here in my hood right now, the bullshit in my personal life, the upheaval, the second or third thoughts....my dog has a GIANT heart. I have never doubted that. I just never knew that a big heart was a bad thing.
everything seems daunted by this...she's young, and "saved" and should live a long, long life....but that's not to be, apparently. No fault to this...it's genetic they say. her life before, caged, leashed, kenneled, bred beyond all reality may have made shorter....i am angry that i have such little time....i am angry that they can't tell me( but do tell me) it's merely months or could be years. it's not so long ago i did this, went through this....the waiting, the anticipating, the trying to make it all worth it to them....it's so hard.
but she was older....and had such a good life... for so long. Eem-er's only been here a few years.
i want Eem-er to be around long enough to know that there people who care... who dream of a life fulfilled...i want her to know the absolute loving calmness of a dog that knows all is well.
and no matter if it is two months or two years? i want her to be content in the moment. although I doubt i will find myself so.
times are hard right now...
but these little sinkholes to my heart?
as tough as i wanna be?
these things just hurt.